The crazed ravings of a (not so)complete PSi-Ko

2002-06-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I no longer have the time no desire to keep up with a blog, so, having said that, this blog will no longer be updated.

Move along...nothing of interest to see here.....

2002-04-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

My boss guilted me into making a post on my blog :p (just kidding, Eva!!!)

I've worked past my fanfic anger, and the urge to write godawful lemons has passed (thank the gods). I am happy with work, mainly because I have spent the last few days working on our store website. It's fun being a web-miko and getting paid to do so :) Unfortunately, between SAS and Them Anime, my Star Ocean site is gonna have to go on the back burner for a couple more weeks. I'm totally re-designing the site because it hasnt had a makeover in over a year. ^^;;;

In other news: My medical insurance refuses to pay for my medicine. I have 3 ulcers and a bad case of acid reflux disease (yuuuuuck). That's been the real reason I've been so sick in recent months. I come to find that they wont cover the medicine needed, and the cost of the meds wiithout insurance is almost as much as a car payment 0_o. I am NOT HAPPY about this, obviously. >_< No, they don't cover the generics or non-name brands either. They dont cover ANYTHING that helps with that disease! How fucked up is that? And the worst thing about all this, is that the insurance provider is also a PHARMACY ITSELF!! They carry the medicince, they know full well how many people use it, and they DONT COVER IT! That's royally messed up!! Bastards....

*ponders about linking to other blogs and sites on here, but that would only benefit readers, of which there prolly aren't any*

2002-04-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

Not gonna bitch about work or my aching legs...nope....nope...

Instead, Im gonna bitch (yet again) about fangirly shit. Specifically, fanfiction.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am not, nor will I ever, be a great writer. I do realize this, yet I write anyway. I actually love coming up with story concepts and ideas, and I get some good plots formed out, I just wish I had the talent to convey all that goes on in my head. It's not all fanfic, but a goodly amount is. I wonder why so many of us fens love writing situations for characters other than our own. I guess, in a way, one has to be a good fanfic writer to come up with half the stuff seen on TV and in movies. There are a team of writers for TV shows, and they arent always the ones who came up with the characters.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, fanfic. (spaced for a moment). I love it, even the bad stuff. And there is bad stuff out there. I've started reviewing fics in the Star Ocean section of Fanfiction.net. Before I wouldnt bother, but now Im actually starting to think about putting my SO stuff up there, even though it reeks when compared to some of the other SO fanficcers on the net. But I have to dammit, because right now FF.net is the Star Ocean Yaoi Den of Doom, and I need to make a stand for Heterosexuality! I checked last night, and only TWO of the NC-17 fics in the SO section are Not Yaoi (both by Alkaholik!) . In all the other rating classes, yaoi occours in one out of every 4 fics.

Now, dont get me wrong, I have nothing against Yaoi, and I know a lot of the SO yaoi ficcers. They are well done stories, written by wonderful people. But is it asking too much to want to see boys with girls? Why is it that all the fandoms I follow seem to be magnets for boyxboy lovefics? The last (and only) time I ever wrote a lemon fic was -yeeeears- ago, and well before I had...er...'carnal knowledge'. Now I find myself wanting to write them if only to balance out the fandom! I've thought up ideas for no less than 4 of them in the last week alone! This is sad....I think I've hit an all new low....

Oh why do I have to like pretty boys? They arent all gay, you know.

Even Aburatsubo, the poster child of yaoi, is still het in canon.

2002-03-25T18:08:00.000-08:00

Well geez, who'dathunk that people actually read this thing?!

So now for another installment of

Random Fangirl Rantings and Sqeeings

Rant: The Oscars suck ass. They have for years, but this year really took the cake. I knew that the only awards Lord of the Rings was going to recieve would be technical awards, but only 4 of them?!? I think Star Wars won more Oscars than that, and LotR is the better of the two! But the Academy dont care about that, they only care about making sure the award goes to who they feel is 'due' to get one so the media stops whining. Case in point: Denzel Washington. He really did deserve an Oscar, but not for his role in Training Day. That was one of his *weaker * roles. But the Academy had snubbed him long enough, so he finally got one. I didnt watch the show, but I believe Julia Roberts presented Best Actor. If so, how appropriate, since last year was her "due date", so to speak. But at least when she recieved her award she was genuinely happy and let the moment be all about her, which is ok, and far more tolerable than making winning into some political soapbox like the self proclaimed "Vessel" Hally Berry did. *OY* She was so busy being pretentious she didnt bother to thank anybody who actually HELPED her win the dang thing! But then, maybe the newspaper only printed part of her acceptance speech...for all I know, this could be another "King of the World" blown out of proportion sort of thing. Either way, she still made herself sound way more important than she is.

Ok, so this is sounding incredibly bitter, but how can you not be, watching all these rich, beautiful people pat themselves on the back and/or play stupid high school student council politic games all in the name of art (supposedly)? It's a celebration of the collective vapidness of our pop culture. The dress J.Lo was wearing garnered more attention than Ron Howard's winning of Best Director. It's fucked. it's incredibly fucked, and that once a year they waste over 4 hours of TV ad space for this drivel is sad. Why do we bother watching? Or care? I think it's because we need something to read about in next week's People magazine. Gotta have something to read while waiting at the doctor's office!

Sqee: I found a hilarious website last night. It's called Godawful Fan Fiction and it's a riot. It's mostly Star Trek fanfic, but some of the other fandoms, like the Matrix, are just too awful to be believed. This site was yet another reminder as to why I dont show off my fanfic too often. My stuff deserves to be on a site like this. But at least I can learn from the mistakes of others...

GFF also has one of the best quotes I've heard pertaining to the fanfic phenom of Mary Sue. "Ensign Mary Sue is smarter than Spock, braver than Kirk, more empathic than Bones, and will sleep with all three." They dont know who said that either...^_^;;;

End of Random Fangirl Rantings and Sqeeings

The website for my workplace should be online by the end of the week. I spent all last week working on it, but we're having problems with the FTP access. Which reminds me that my ISP tech person never got back to me on my oekaki board troubles. I wish they'd allow me to set permissions on CGI scripts, then I could have had the problem fixed already! Sometimes it sucks knowing more about something then the tech support person does. But I used to WORK tech support, so I like to think I know a little bit about computers.....At least I got a bit more respect working that then the job I have now. Ever since I got bumped up at work, some of my other co-workers have been treating me badly. One outright refuses to talk with me unless she absolutely has to. The words most commonly heard behind my back are "goofing off" and "lazy". Just because I sit for most of the day assembling packages and/or typing on the computer. *Argh* It's just as hard doing MENTAL work as physical work!! Just because I now spend more time working on cataloging backstock or maintaining the website doesnt mean I dont work at all!! Thankfully, its not everybody, and for the most part work is still cool. I just have to work harder in order to garner more respect.

And so I enter the world of middle management.....Joooy. *takes a moment to mourn the passing of her days as a drone*

I just took another step towards being a 'grown up', didnt I? *shudders at the thought* :p

2002-03-15T09:08:00.000-08:00

Juust loverly, Im sick again *BLEAH*

Dont really have much to say, but I just felt a need to justify having a blog. Some people are natural bloggers. I guess I aint one of them.

Had fun last night though. our friend Eric stayed over and he and Carlos sat up all night playing Tokimeki Memorial. I tried to stay awake, but I was consumed by a NyQuil induced state of delirium, so I dont remember much. But before Tokimemo we went to a roadside carnival that was in the parking lot of the grocery store down the street. I won a cute fishie and an Animal plushie (yes, Muppet Animal!) But I gave Animal to a little boy who lost a game to Eric (who won a Gonzo plushie). So all I have is the fishie, but thats ok. I know Animal went to a better home :)

Im letting the guys sleep in for a few more minutes before I wake them and drag them off to the supermarket. I want to go to LeeLee's, which is the giant Oriental/Indonesian super store and I need help with knowing what half the stuff is! *L* They know because, well...they are FROM there and know what is what! Well ok, Eric is Argentinian, but he knows way more about Oriental food than I do. He's also a better cook...

Must...experiment...with...Philipino...dishes!!!!!!! *waaahhh!!*

2002-03-09T00:52:00.000-08:00

Why yes, I do NOT update my blog everyday.

Gah, I've been on a massive fanart/fanfic spree as of late. I've started three fics, one doujinshi and drawn a good 10 or so pics. All of Star Ocean Second Story. Most involving Dias and/or Chisato.

Me, obsesed? Nah!

Actually its not obsession, its just I havent done anything with SO for far too long, and suddenly I have this wave of creativity, and it just happened to channel into those two characters. Not to say I've only drawn/written them. I've also been doing a fair amount of stuff with Precis and Celine too. I find this all amusing, especially considering that for the longest time I actually hated Dias and Precis. I avoided recruiting them and thought they had lame attacks, especially since Ashton and Bowman are(were...still?) so much better to use in the game. The manga really turned things around for me. They are much stronger characters in the manga than in the game. Well, Precis is at least. Dias is still in his "angst-puppy" mode for most of his appearance in the books, he loosens up a bit when he gets to Nede, but that never happens in the manga because he isnt recruited (not that it matters because SO:SS was cancelled *sniff*) At leas tI can be thankful that he's not a total hopeless psycho-crab like Aya in Weiss Kruez. Dias actually loosens up a bit by the end of the game, if you play the game right. And it's not nearly as hard as one would think.

It also doesn't help matters that I just got a TON of SO:SS gag books, and When the majority of your collection consists of parody material, well, its just very hard to take the characters too seriously.

Now if I could just channel all of this creativity into ORIGINAL works, then I'd be set ^_^;;;; Or maybe I should take out a loan and just buy the rights to Star Ocean already and do the Adam Warren/Dirty Pair thing. Except I'd actually stay faithful to the original characterization and intent. ^_^ The last thing the world needs is a gritty fan service jigglin gun toting cussing suicidal Precis.

Rule for the day; Always finish what you start. I haven't been doing that and I need to. I have having three fics typed up and none of them with an ending. And people think its EASY writing fanfic?

Change of Topic

Went and saw Metropolis today. Wow. Not as much of a mindfuck as I was expecting, which is a good thing. Still horrifying and disturbing, but not in a "I must go home and wash myself so I feel clean again' or a 'looks like I'll need to double my Prozac for the next week' way. I know this movie was made years before Sept. 11th, but the ending is gonna be hard for a lot of Americans to take, especially if one is just geting into anime or if one is too blind to the fact that the world does not revolve around America or our ideals and points of view. All I can do is tell you of one thing. You will not know how to react to the end. And it's ok, you won't know until you see it, and whatever you feel, it is the correct way to feel, because this is one of those movies where it's -supposed- to make you have than jumbled up happy/sad/hopeful/nihilistic feeling. Either way, I do believe that people should see this movie. it is one of the best I have seen in a long, long while, and the first anime movie I have seen that is truly on the same technical bar as Disney. This movie is BEAUTIFUL. I understand it took 6 years to make. It shows.

Dang, I gotta be up for work in 5 hours....

2002-03-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

Which Chess Piece Are You?

WhoooHooo!!!!

2002-03-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

Feeling a bit better....

I've been very busy today. had to go get the tires fixed on the car, thank goodness they were still under warranty, or that woulda been a nasty bill we didn't need right now. paid rent, and spent the rest of the day working on my Star Ocean website. I'll update my homepage after I get the Chronicles back up to speed.

Been fooling around with CGI scripts today. I've been trying to get an Oekaki board to work for me, but I can't set permissions on my cgi scripts. shouldnt be too much of a problem, as I've contacted Gayle at my ISP. She must have a lot of paitence to deal with me so much, I'm always calling with questions! *L*

And for the first time in god knows how long, I've worked an entire week without being late or missing a day!!!!!! So if you see a piggie flying by, you'll know it's my fault.

Metropolis just came out in the Valley, and I wanna see it!!! *WAH* Why did it have to open to a limited engagement during the time we're broke!?! If all else fails, I'm at least gonna scrape together some cash so Carlos can go. He can't afford NOT to see it.

Gonna go start dinner now....

laaaaaa

2002-02-25T23:10:00.000-08:00

I Am A: Chaotic Good Half-Elf Bard Mage

Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.

Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Secondary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

2002-02-25T22:57:00.000-08:00

Goddamn blog! This is how it shoulda looked

Been awhile...

Not really had much to say, been doing too much thinking for my own good. Most of what's been going on with me has pretty much already been stated over at Carlos's blog.

I don't get many chances to be online because he can spend hours on blogging alone. At best I get to read mail and read some posts on the DB's I frequent, but actually getting time to reply or to participate means that I spend most of the time being distracted by Carlos looming over my shoulder or reminding me that he needs to use the computer as soon as I'm done. I love him, but it really annoys me that I can't even go five minutes online without him wanting to boot me off. I don't even think he realizes he does it, even though I tell him it makes me feel bad. Sometimes it feels like only his time is valuable, and only he should get to use the internet, and anything I want to do should only be done when he's not around, but since we have the same schedule, that's very hard to do. I know he will read this blog, and that's good. I WANT him to. I don't like hiding my feelings from him, even if I know he might be hurt or angry with them. But dammit, my feelings are being hurt too!

As usual, I can't sleep. I've been having that problem the last few weeks. I'm gonna call the doctor tomorrow. Damn depression is rearing it's ugly head again.

I. Am. Not. Happy.

I have many reasons why, too many to state here tonight. But needless to say, it's no wonder my depression is back. Last time I felt this bad I couldn't get out of bed for a month. I can't afford to do that this time.

Ah, fuck this...

2002-02-25T22:55:00.000-08:00

Been awhile...

Not really had much to say, been doing too much thinking for my own good. Most of what's been going on with me has pretty much already been stated over at

2002-02-11T09:46:00.000-08:00

Loverly. I don't have a only a cold..Looks like it's starting to mutate into the flu. >_< My boss is Not Happy. Gah, I've missed so much work already these past couple of weeks, and now I'm out again. How I ever manage to hold down any job for any length of time is beyond me. But fever, muscle pain and the hacking up of lots of mucous is not a happy combo for a clerk who has to work with people and fabric >_<

SO here I am at home feeling about as useful as a sack of moldy potatoes (and about as pretty too). I have no idea what I'm gonna do, besides rest, which is obvious, but I feel so guilty staying home doing nothing when Carlos is working overtime and when we're short staffed at work. NO one can afford for me to be out right now, but I am, and it S.U.C.K.S.

Well, Carlos has been begging me for reviews, and I've been so busy I've not done anything, so I could do that. Also thinking about putting a personal website back up now for well over a year, but I really don't have the enthusiasm to do so. I used to have a Biiiig website once, lots of art and fanfic and contests and stuff. It was really spiffy and heavily visited, and I was happy. But then people started to take my stuff I worked so hard on and use it on their sites, claiming it was their art, or using my art in projects that they in turn used to get jobs with computer companies, while I didn't see a single dime for compensation. I ised to do art for free to friends, but then before I knew it, I was being bombarded by requests (some of it my own fault because I offered, then realized too late that It was more than I could handle.) And I just...I don't know....but it just wasn't *FUN* anymore. It felt like I was being taken advantage of, and that completely sucks any creativity I have away. I used to draw everyday, now I can go months between picking up a sketchbook. Lately, I have been drawing again, and it's been nice, but I'm drawing what I *want* to draw. This has actually been a major chore for me.

I don't know if I can accurately describe how horrible it feels to no longer find joy in what you used to love so dearly, and you know you still love it, but you have to re-discover that love. When I was first in college, I knew clearly what I wanted to do and nothing was gonna stop me, but now I find myself here, seven years later, with absolutely no direction. My downfall was trying to please too many people at once, and not taking enough value in myself and in what I produce. If I don't ask for anything in return, then why should people offer me anything?

So, If I do put up a new homepage, I'm gonna be a total Snow Queen*. It's only gonna be what I want, I won't take any requests or grant free permission to use my stuff (unless people want to pay. Yes, I will charge money for use of my art!) and if I don't update it every other day, then TOUGH! It's MY website, and I'll do what I want with it!. I also need to find me some codes so people can't save my original artwork pics to disk. The fanart I'll just watermark, but there is a reason I don't feel comfortable putting anyting I actually own on the web, Like my Forgotten Realms characters. I don't want pic thieves getting their grubby hands on them.

I.....feel better now that I've said(typed?) that. Hmmmm.....I think I'm gonna do it! When I'm feeling a little better that is *coughs* Right now I want to go get some tea....

*Wendy Pini's nickname for me ^_^

2002-02-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

*cough* Yuuuuuck. I caught a cold. >_< Most likely from Ophelia, who was coughing up a storm on Tuesday at work. She's currently in California tending to her sister who's on her deathbed following a stroke last weekend. :( I'm praying for her.

Good thing I bought some tea when I was in Vegas. Nothing works for me when I have a cold, so all I can do is fight it off. I hope I don't get so bad I have to call in. I've already missed more than enough work.

I've become a tea junkie lately. First I got hooked to the middle eastern blend that is served at my favorite restaurant, and then I got a box of Scottish blend tea at the british food store in Vegas. I love that store! It's the only place I've found where I can stock up on Cadbury chocolate, digestives, tea and Twiglettes! You can even get Spotted Dick in a can! BTW, before you think anything vulgar, Spotted Dick is a raisin bread pudding that is really good, but not readily available outside of Britan because of the name.

I am working on a Love Hina full review for the THEM site, and I'll prolly do a Urusei Yatsura TV review before the weekend is over.

*cough* Gack! Ok, that's it. Early bedtime for me tonight.

2002-02-07T22:43:00.000-08:00

Wow, I've been gone a while. Well, ok, not gone, as you can see, Carlos has been doing a lot of blogging. We only have one computer and one dial up, and he beats me to the comp, and by the time he's done, I'm already in bed >_< Ah well, not like I've had much to say as of late anyway that he hasn't already said on his blog. *shrug*

I've been working more on my Forgotten Realms campaign/story. I'm so happy with it. And I'm also happy that I have been validated! In a d20 system, anything goes, and I've managed to set up a neat character and a plausible setting and story for her. And today as I was at Borders, I was reading all of the gaming mags, and they *encourage* this sort of thing!! I know I didn't need a magazine to validate my feelings, but I do get so sad and frustrated when I'm with other gamers and they start discussing their campaigns and characters, and when I mention mine they either 1) Look at me like I'm some freak and say "You can't DO that!" or 2) Nod and say, "Yeah, Munchkins rock!". Annali is So Not a munchkin! She's a level 7, yes, but the campaign is not an easy one. In fact, her level is *low* for the setting, and it's supposed to be that way. The character I have closest to being a munchkin is my paladin half-elf Brynne, and even then he's only level 11.

The main cast of adventurers I have for my story are Annali -a drider ranger/cleric, Brynne -a half-elf paladin, RiaanKia -a half-orc wizard, Niae -a human bard, Boaan -a yuan-ti rouge, and Quintzt -a halfling merchant. I have I have two different stories laid out for them. The first is more of a book version of her story that really isn't playable, and the second is the actual game campaign where all but Annali are NPCs so others can use their characters. I doubt the second one will ever be played out because whenever I even mention that my PC is a drider, people tend to walk away :( Funny that even though we now have a gaming system that allows for near-unlimited gaming possibilities, so many gamers are still stuck in the same ruts and dont want to try anything different (unless there is an official game book for it) *sigh* major suckage. I've always loved paying around with the system and seeing what kind of different characters one could feasibly play. It's a challenge to believably make 'good' races and classes evil and vice versa, Now, I don't try to go for the obvious stuff, like say making a cleric of Bane have the competency and personality of Carrot Top, but you must admit that would be highly amusing.

things that rattle inside my head at work in the attempt to keep me sane

Besides my FR story? Mostly random snippits from the Digi-Damned fic that A--- and I keep vowing to write someday. It doesn't help that I read a lot of Get Fuzzy. I imagine living with Digimon critters is a lot like that comic strip. Which is kinda scary considering that now I think Digi-Damned would make a better webcomic than fanfic, and I so don't have the time to do a webcomic. Unless I finally go get that drawing tablet I was supposed to get for Christmas. Durn medical bills *grrrr*

I've not really done much of anything since coming back online, have I? I want my FTP access back Dammit!!!!!!!

I let my shoujopro.com address fall into limbo. I wasn't really using it anyway. I need to change that.

Don't tell Carlos, but I actually plan to write an anime review tomorrow. I wanna surprise him :p

Aaaaaaand this is enough blogging for tonight.

2002-01-30T20:33:00.000-08:00

Grrr...stoopid comp keeps freezing..any thoughts as to wny, Dave?

How much is that Transient in the window?

Ok, today was a FREAKYday at work. Yesterday there was this guy who was asleep in our garbage bin outside, and Jackie called the cops on him to get him thrown off the property because he ignored her when she asked him to leave. today he came back. He came into the store, went over to one of our display windows, and crawled in and fell asleep. O_o How wierd is that? You could see him from out front! Bet people driving by got quite a show. Jackie called the cops again, and they came to wake him up and throw him out. Now, here's the freaky part: he was MAD that we were wanting him gone!!!! Um, hello, your sleeping in the window of a STORE! During business hours!! OF COURSE WE'RE GONNA WANT YOU GONE!!! Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate homeless people or think they're all bad, but come on! Even I find it hard to be sympatehtic towards someone who does wierd stuff like this. And he didn't appear to be totally out of his mind. but then, he can't be all there if he pulled soemthing like this. We hope he doesnt come back tomorrow.

I didnt blog last night because I went to bed almost immediately after dinner. I was pooped.

We're going to Vegas this weekend to go to my cousin Erin's wedding. How ironic she's getting married on Super Bowl weekend. It's the weekend when the least weddings take place. Bet she got a screaming deal on the reception hall ^_~ She is SO gonna love my wedding gift :D

Carlos is Yamato?!?! HELL NO!!! He's Ichijouji!!!! Why? Cuz I'm Miyako!!!

I'm also Chocolate Misu, Aya Fujimiya (the coma girl) and Rem Saverem. Go fig!

Someday I'll add links and stats and such, but for now, I'll just K.I.S.S.

2002-01-28T21:20:00.000-08:00

Whoo...whatta day.

I work at a discount mill-end fabric store by ASU. It's a fun job, but not what I plan to do for the rest of my life. I work with a rather interesting group of people, most who actually understand the things I'm in to. Our break room literature that we read at lunchtime include comic strip collections of Dilbert, Cathy and Get Fuzzy, Harry Potter, Entertainment Weekly and the local paper. Occasionaly we get the random Spectrum or Wizard magazine, and soon it looks like we'll be getting Animerica.

See, My boss Eva is totally, completely, utterly obsessed with cabbits right now. She saw a Tenchi figure with Ryo-Oh-Ki at Target or somewhere and it was love at first sight. I bought her a plushie Ken-Oh-Ki keychain when I was out yesterday, and she carried him about all day, showing him to everyone. You'd think I was describing a 17 year old girl, but my boss is almost the same age as my mom! But I gotta admit, it is pretty cool having a boss who appreciates your hobbies. In fact, Eva was the one who got me interested in HP long before Felicity and Angel pointed me towards the books and fanfics :) When I get bonuses at work, they come in the form of art books and 'how to draw manga' books. See why it's so hard for me to look for another job, even though I now have a B.A.degree in Visual Communications?? Eva is simply the coolest boss I have ever worked for. Period. I don't think I could ever get so lucky again.

Not to say I have the perfect job. FAR from it. In fact, if it wasnt for my co-wrkers all being really cool, I'd have ditched the job long ago, because y'all, you think people calling for airport shuttles and tech support are dumb, well, those people's idiot cousins come into our store! I'd say about one out of every five people we have come into our store should not be let out in public. Most of these said morons tend to be the nouveau riche Scottsdale housewives who want to make their houses look like a million dollars but refuse to pay more than $8.78 for the whole shebang. They don't want to spend a lot of money on home decorationg because they feel the money is better spent on tacky clothes, bad dye-jobs, stiletto heels, and various bric-a-brack they use to bribe their spoiled kids with in order to keep them pacificed (though it never works) as they drag them though a discount fabric store for hours on end, trying to avoid the expense of day-care. They also are some of the rudest people I have ever met. They throw things on the floor, undo all of my displays (some which take me ALL DAY to set up to begin with!) and believe everything in the store is 25 cents a yard, be it gathered lace trim or 60'' silk organza >_<

We had a doozy of a lady today. Last week Eva lucked out in getting some bolts of imported Versace decorator prints from Europe. We're talking *seriously* nice fabric, and we're selling it for $5.99 a yard!! For the males reading this, this is the equivalent of getting a Playstation 2 brand new for $15. This fabric retails elsewhere for over $70 a yard. Don't ask me how we got this for that price, but we did. Anyway, today we had a lady from California come in, and she died when she saw the fabric. She must have thought that we had no idea what we were selling because she asked me if I could make a deal for her on some bolts, I told her our discount policy (10% off every order over $100), but that wasn't good enough for her. She then asked to speak to Eva, and I only caught part of the conversattion, but what I heard was enough. She wanted to get 7 bolts (25 yards each) for a flat rate. Of $250.

These bolts are $150 EACH! AFTER discount!!! She wanted Seven bolts for less than the price of Two!!! There is a difference between making a deal and highway robbery, This is definiely one of the most ludicrous things I had ever heard. Thankfully Eva felt the same, because she said no. The lady got so upset that she dumped all of the bolts onto the floor and then proceeded to mess up our upholstery table, which Willie had to clean up> >_< She said she may come back tomorrow, but I hope not. She was really snobby, and not a customer worth having,.

But it makes for interesting stories, eh?

Ugh, I'm so tired. I am so not looking forward to waking up early tomorrow. Carlos has to go to the allergist and I have to be at work at the same time as his appointment, so I go in early. Yay.

"The television is dead, rendering the Dreamcast useless as a tool of torture and destruction." But I *LIKE* Space Channel 5!!!!

Up Down Up Down Shoot Shoot Shoot!

I'm going to go work on my Forgotten Realms story now. I'm really happy with how it's coming along. My main character is AnnaliChar, a drider sword dancer and chosen of Eilistraee. Yes, I said drider. But she's not an ugly, bloated drider, but a pretty centaur-ish drider. She's that way for a reason. Here's her (very) basic stats and mini-bio. For the record, she is MY Character!! SO DON'T USE HER!!! (not that I've really given enough info for you to do that, but STILL)

AnnaliChar
Female Drider (Drow)

Ftr 3/SwdDcr 3/Rgr1 and chosen of Eilistraee
Align - Chaotic Good
weapon - Silver Bastard Sword
Str 13
Wis 12
Int 8
Cha 16 (19 when dealing with other drow, driders and spiders)
Con 10
Dex 14

Annali is the only daughter to a lesser house of Ched Nasad. Her mother, horrifed and betrayed by Lolth's insistance that the newborn girl be given as a sacrifice, she was secertly sent away by her birth mother to Menzoberannzen to be raised by distant relatives until she was old enough to return to take her place by her mother's side and heir to the house. However, Lolth figured out the deception and sent a group of monstrous spiders to destroy the caravan. Only Annali and her brother, the First Boy, escaped. He instead found himself lost in the Underdark, but through chance found a passage that led them above ground, He found himself in Thornwood, a dark, vile forest north of the Lake of Steam. He tried to estabish a residence for him and his infant sister, but a hunting party came upon him, and killed him. It was only after he was dead did they discover Annali. The leader of the party took her to raise as his own, despite the protests of his comrades, as a way of atoning for what he had done.

The hunting party was from a small village on the edge of the Thornwood, a strange community of humans, elves, and half-elves who saw to it that the beasts of the Thornwood (especially the Beholder who resided there) never ventured out in search of trouble or conquest. Annali was raised there, and became a competent fighter and ranger. When she was 26 (pre-teen for a drow), she was on a routine patrol when she was lured away by the sounds of someone in peril. It tured out to be a trap, as Lolth had sent some of her best clerics to kill Annali. Analli refused to fight them, and the clerics really did not want to kill Annali, but they feared Lolth more than her, yet no matter what spell they cast, they would not work. Even their snake whips refusd to stike her. So one of clerics decided if she could not be killed, then she could be cursed. They cast the spell to make Annali a drider, and it almost worked. However, during the change Annali began to glow with a silver aura, and only the lower half of her body was corruped into the shape of a giant spider. She retianed her mind and abilities, and the clerics, seeing this as some kind of divine sign, ran off.

It was then that Eilistraee appeared. She explained to Annali that she had protected her from the worst effects of the spell, and that she had been watching over her for her entire life. Eilistraee was the one who giuded her brother to the Thornwood, and it was Annali's ability which kept them alive. It was also the reason Lolth wanted her dead. Annali has the ability to speak to spiders, but to a far greater extent than most drow. She can actually turn spiders completely against Lolth, and most drow as well. She is a threat to Lolth's control, which makes her a target. Eilistraee asks Annali to be one of her champions, and to use her abilities to help giude the drow from the Underdark and to their rightful place alongside the other races of the world, so that others can live the same as she was. Annali is both honored yet sad. She wants to help, but is afraid because driders are even more feared than drow.

This is a TINY part of the story for her,, but it's late and this took longer to type than I though, and this blog is long enough as is, so I'm calling it a night after all. I'll just have to work on it more tomorrow.

2002-01-27T19:24:00.000-08:00

Went out with my friends Angel and Rachel today, and had lots o' fun :) I bought a shirt with money I really didn't have, but it was on sale, and it was really really nice. I don't have too many articles of clothing that are not worn out t-shirts and ripped blue jeans, and slowly I'm trying to get my wardrobe updated with nice things. We also went to SkinMarket, my most favorite store in the universe. Skin care products and makeup that I'm NOT allergic to, DONT make me break out AND don't smell like I got hosed in perfume. You'd be amazed at how hard it is for me to find quality products like this. We also went to Build a Bear Factory, which is so cute! I want one for Valentines!! ((Not to sublte hint to Carlos *nudge nudge*)) :p Sadly, because it was a Sunday, everything closed early. I need to go out and do girly things more often. It's fun, and I've not done girly things in a long time.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the everyday goings on, and my social life takes a hit. After work, all I want to do is go home, have dinner then go to bed. I've not even been in the mood to draw or write lately, and it's kinda making me worried. I've had this kind of wierd mental block, and I can't create. Well, I can create, but I can't follow through. Like this Digimon fanfic I've been working on for the last few months. It started as joke between A--- and I one night when we were reading through Fanfiction.net. We like the couple Ken and Miyako, but there is a shortage of fanfics out there featuring those two, and even fewer having them act normal. We also were dying reading all the Digi-fic that had the characters high school or college-age, but they were so not in realistic situations. Yes, we know the average Digimon fan (and fic writer) is far younger than we are, but still, we know that they know better, so we wanted to do a fic that 'corrected' all of the problems we were finding in these areas. ((In other words, we were gonna shows the little nits how a *real* fanfic reads))

Now, I've started and plotted out quite a lot of chapters, and I still have many more that I haven't even touched yet, but none of them are typed up. This is a major problem for me. It really frustrates me to have all of these great ideas bouncing around in my head, but when I try to get them out to share them with others, they then stop. I think it's because I try to type it ALL at once, and I also think that once I get them out of my system, everyone else will think it's total crap. Same way with my art. 90% of my stuff never makes it past the pencil sketch phase. I find it so hard to get motivated because I get so paranoid about what others will think.

I think, ultimately, that's why I've started this blog. My websites have not been updated in well over 6 months, I'm a lurker at a few BBS's and Oekaki boards, I hardly ever reply to email, and I've only produced ONE finished work of art in the last six weeks. I've become paralyzed by my fears, and I just need to Get Over Myself. I need to stop being so damn scared that no one is gonna like me, and that everyone has to be totally fawning over my art and stories before I can even be satisfied, much less happy. Right now, I don't think anyone but my husband and a couple of my friends know this blog even exists, but for all I know, I could also have had a hundred views as well. That's why I'm not putting site refferal or counters on this blog. I don't want to know, because if I know, I'll worry and I *can't* worry about it. If I do, I'll go crazy, and I'm already too close to being that as is.

I've spent the last 5 years on the net trying to please everyone who ever emailed/ICQd/contacted me. I would offer my services to anyone who asked, my personal well being and schedule be damned, and I really need to stop. If I can't even finish a sketch of Dias, then how the hell am I gonna be able to design websites and do character designs for someone else who I've never even met?

I'm tired. I need to re-discover what makes me happy again, and I can't worry about anyone else as I do so. Now, I'm not gonna go out and hurt people on purpose, I'm not mean; but I can't keep putting my feelings and my well being on the backburner so I can perform miracle stunts for others.

So now, I am going to go have dinner at McDonalds (or some fast food place) then go visit some friends. Because that's what I really want to do right now.

2002-01-27T10:38:00.000-08:00

Worship the Floating Avacado!

Still haven't gotten any food, Don't ask me why.

2002-01-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

Well SHEESH! Apparently I've had a Blog account for well over a year and totally forgot about it! How messed up is that? But anyway....yow!

I've not had any relaible sort of internet access for well over 4 months and I just got it back last night. It's strange, but I don't think I've really missed it, but I have so much to do. First, I'm getting my Star Ocean Chronicles site back to it's former glory, especially now that I have *stuff* to update it with. I also have so much of my fanart to show, and someday I will finish all of those half-complete fanfics I have for it. However, seeing as most of them are (sickeningly cutesy and sappy) Dias/Chisato couple fics, I may hold off on those...while I will forever be a diehard 'Disato' girl, I know that it isn't the most popular SO2 couple. But that isn't gonna stop me from prolly making a mini-shrine to them on my site anyway *grin*

Speaking of couples and fanfics, I also have a ton of Digimon fanfics that I need to just type up and get on the web already! That's by far my greatest problem as a fanfic writer....I come up with all the great sotries, and I plot them out and finish them up...but I *WRITE* them! I don't *TYPE* them! Yes, there is a difference. I have stacks upon stacks of notebooks full of stuff, but I just can't get them either on the scanner or copied over onto Word. I wish there was a device that you could talk into, and then you plug it into the computer and it converts your words into text. That would so kick ass, and would help me get more done. I think I'm one of the few writers in this world that actually doesn't like to type on a keyboard. It's so wierd. Which makes me wonder why I'm even starting to Blog to begin with. I HATE TYPING! Gah!!! See, I'm a wierdo...

So...having said that...this means I most likely will NOT be a 'social blogger' like Carlos is. Or I may. I dunno....I'm just gonna do what I feel, after all, that's kinda the *point* right?

I really like this fruit layout, It's very freaky.

I need to play Phantasy Star Online Ver. 2. But that requires money (and the game), which I don't have. Suck.

Hopefully I'll be getting a call back from the tech support line soon for my ISP. I still can't log into my FTP, and it's royally torking me off. But instead I think I'll just go get some food.....